I’m in the hearts and minds business. I change people one at a time. – Bruce Springsteen

Recently I read Every Brain Needs Music, and I loved this definition of the role of an “accompanist.” In church, I view this person frequently as the one on the keys, and in my own guitar playing, it’s the role I am most comfortable with compared to that of lead guitar….one of support, alongside those who lead in a choir, band, or musical performance. I often find myself in a similar role professionally, accompanying my colleagues and school leaders. And I strive to be this type of presence at home, too, for Brigid and our teenagers.

Enjoy these quotes along with a beautiful rendition of a Smashing Pumpkins song performed by Olivia Rodrigo with the band at their recent Lollapalooza show. Note how lead singer and guitarist Billy Corgan plays the accompanist role in his support of Olivia, it’s beautiful. Blessings on your week ahead!

“An accompanist doesn’t play every instrument in the orchestra. They stay present, listen carefully, and contribute their own part without trying to become the whole performance.” Every Brain Needs Music

“In normal life, when you’re accompanying someone, you’re signing on to another person’s plan. We’re most familiar with the concept of accompaniment in the world of music. The pianist accompanies the singer. They are partners, making something together, but the accompanist is in the supportive role, subtly working to embellish the beauty of the song and help the singer shine. The accompanist is sensitive to what the singer is doing, begins to get a feel for the experience she is trying to create.”

-David Brooks, How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul. – Rabbi Harold Kushner

In recent weeks I have enjoyed active time outdoors, in community with my family, friends, and colleagues, and out and about in and throughout the San Francisco Bay Area. I am ready for this new academic year, and feel rejuvenated in these last couple weeks to have “turned the page,” as it were. Today I share excerpts from a Harvard Business Review article on Discovering Your Authentic Leadership. Its principles ring true.

Blessings on your week ahead!

DISCOVERING YOUR AUTHENTIC LEADERSHIP

by Bill GeorgePeter SimsAndrew N. McLean and Diana Mayer

From the Magazine (February 2007)

Discovering your authentic leadership requires a commitment to developing yourself. Like musicians and athletes, you must devote yourself to a lifetime of realizing your potential. Most people Kroger CEO David Dillon has seen become good leaders were self-taught. Dillon said, “The advice I give to individuals in our company is not to expect the company to hand you a development plan. You need to take responsibility for developing yourself.”

Learning from Your Life Story

The journey to authentic leadership begins with understanding the story of your life. Your life story provides the context for your experiences, and through it, you can find the inspiration to make an impact in the world. As the novelist John Barth once wrote, “The story of your life is not your life. It is your story.” In other words, it is your personal narrative that matters, not the mere facts of your life. Your life narrative is like a permanent recording playing in your head. Over and over, you replay the events and personal interactions that are important to your life, attempting to make sense of them to find your place in the world.

Knowing Your Authentic Self

When the 75 members of Stanford Graduate School of Business’s Advisory Council were asked to recommend the most important capability for leaders to develop, their answer was nearly unanimous: self-awareness. Yet many leaders, especially those early in their careers, are trying so hard to establish themselves in the world that they leave little time for self-exploration. They strive to achieve success in tangible ways that are recognized in the external world—money, fame, power, status, or a rising stock price. Often their drive enables them to be professionally successful for a while, but they are unable to sustain that success. As they age, they may find something is missing in their lives and realize they are holding back from being the person they want to be. Knowing their authentic selves requires the courage and honesty to open up and examine their experiences. As they do so, leaders become more humane and willing to be vulnerable.

Practicing Your Values and Principles

The values that form the basis for authentic leadership are derived from your beliefs and convictions, but you will not know what your true values are until they are tested under pressure. It is relatively easy to list your values and to live by them when things are going well. When your success, your career, or even your life hangs in the balance, you learn what is most important, what you are prepared to sacrifice, and what trade-offs you are willing to make.

Balancing Your Extrinsic and Intrinsic Motivations

Because authentic leaders need to sustain high levels of motivation and keep their lives in balance, it is critically important for them to understand what drives them. There are two types of motivations—extrinsic and intrinsic. Although they are reluctant to admit it, many leaders are propelled to achieve by measuring their success against the outside world’s parameters. They enjoy the recognition and status that come with promotions and financial rewards. Intrinsic motivations, on the other hand, are derived from their sense of the meaning of their life. They are closely linked to one’s life story and the way one frames it. Examples include personal growth, helping other people develop, taking on social causes, and making a difference in the world. The key is to find a balance between your desires for external validation and the intrinsic motivations that provide fulfillment in your work.

Building Your Support Team

Leaders cannot succeed on their own; even the most outwardly confident executives need support and advice. Without strong relationships to provide perspective, it is very easy to lose your way.

Authentic leaders build extraordinary support teams to help them stay on course. Those teams counsel them in times of uncertainty, help them in times of difficulty, and celebrate with them in times of success. After their hardest days, leaders find comfort in being with people on whom they can rely so they can be open and vulnerable. During the low points, they cherish the friends who appreciate them for who they are, not what they are. Authentic leaders find that their support teams provide affirmation, advice, perspective, and calls for course corrections when needed.

Integrating Your Life by Staying Grounded

Integrating their lives is one of the greatest challenges leaders face. To lead a balanced life, you need to bring together all of its constituent elements—work, family, community, and friends—so that you can be the same person in each environment. Think of your life as a house, with a bedroom for your personal life, a study for your professional life, a family room for your family, and a living room to share with your friends. Can you knock down the walls between these rooms and be the same person in each of them?

Prayer is not asking for what you think you want, but asking to be changed in ways you can’t imagine. -Kathleen Norris

This week’s reflection is taken from Richard Rohr’s Center for Action and Contemplation. The Center’s weekly e-news offered some great reflection questions rooted in the Beatitudes, and I find them thought provoking. I hope they inform your own discernment…blessings on your week ahead!

Practicing the Beatitudes 

Do I embrace poverty of spirit—or flee from it at the speed of light?
For whom have I been in mourning?
How meek am I in my response to the gospels?
In what ways am I hungry for righteousness?
How merciful am I regarding those who in some way have done me harm?
How pure is my heart and what keeps it so impure?
In what ways am I trying to purify my heart?
What are the divisions that intersect my life and in what ways am I responding to these divisions as a peacemaker?
What enemies do I love? For which enemies am I praying?
Whose threatened life am I trying to safeguard?
Do I accept persecution as a blessing—or do I avoid anything that might get me into trouble?

-From peace activist and Orthodox Christian Jim Forest (1941–2022)

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” -Gospel of Matthew

When I read these words from the daily scripture this morning, they resonated within my soul. I have been fortunate to spend these recent days in the woods- and in the water- with my kids, and I am rejuvenated in my vocation as a dad and an educator. God is good.

I am pleased to share two hopeful quotes from Richard Rohr’s Center for Action & Contemplation, along with a recommended podcast from heavy hitters Greg Boyle and James Martin. Enjoy! Blessings on your week ahead.

Hope is a quality of aliveness. It does not come at the end, as the feeling that results from a happy outcome. Rather, it lies at the beginning, as a pulse of truth that sends us forth.
—Cynthia Bourgeault

The idea of hope being a discipline is something I heard from a nun many years ago who was talking about it in conjunction with making sure we were of the world and in the world. The hope that she was talking about was this grounded hope that was practiced every day.
—Mariame Kaba

Hope is a quality of aliveness. It does not come at the end, as the feeling that results from a happy outcome. Rather, it lies at the beginning, as a pulse of truth that sends us forth.—Cynthia Bourgeault

I am preparing for a family vacation next week and I look forward to time out in nature. This morning, Brigid shared this below reflection with me from her Substack daily perusal. I think it’s an excellent reminder of the importance of seeking balance and rest in our lives. Blessings on your week ahead!

The Different Types of Rest – Laurie Marbas, MD, MBA

Physical rest is sleep. Actual sleep. Not lying in bed with your eyes closed while your brain runs a documentary about every mistake you’ve made since 2011. Sleep where your body lets go and your muscles stop holding whatever they’ve been holding all day. Most people think this is the only kind of rest that exists. It’s not. It’s just the only one anyone talks about.

Mental rest is silence. Not the silence of a quiet room with a loud brain. Real silence. Where your thoughts slow down and you’re not solving anything or planning anything or replaying anything. It’s the rarest kind of rest because your brain doesn’t come with an off switch and nobody taught you how to build one.

Emotional rest is not performing. Not being fine when you’re not. Not smiling through something that hurts. Not holding it together because everyone expects you to. Emotional rest is putting the mask down even if just for an hour and letting your face match how you actually feel.

Social rest is being alone without being lonely. Not isolation. Not hiding. Just time where nobody needs anything from you and you don’t need anything from anyone and the silence between you and the world is comfortable instead of empty. Some people haven’t had this in years and they’ve forgotten what it feels like to miss nobody.

Sensory rest is turning everything off. The screen, the noise, the notifications, the music, the lights, the input. Your nervous system has been processing stimulation since you opened your eyes this morning and it hasn’t had a break. Sensory rest is giving your body a moment where nothing is coming in. Nothing to react to. Nothing to process. Just still.

Creative rest is letting yourself experience beauty without producing anything. Looking at something without photographing it. Hearing something without sharing it. Being inspired without turning it into a project. Your brain needs to receive sometimes without the pressure of creating something from it.

Spiritual rest is feeling connected to something bigger than your to-do list. Not necessarily religion. Just the sense that you belong somewhere and that your life has a point beyond what you checked off today. Some people get this from nature, some from community, some from sitting still long enough to remember what matters.

Most people are exhausted and they think the answer is more sleep. Sometimes it is. But sometimes you’re sleeping 8 hours and still waking up tired because the 6 other types of rest haven’t been touched in months.

You don’t need more sleep. You need the right kind of rest. And nobody is going to prescribe it for you because it doesn’t come in a bottle, and the only person who knows which one you’re missing is you.

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. -Buddha

I appreciate this natural transition time in the world of parenting and education. As we cross the threshold from one season into another, the resurgence of the spirit of summer brings a welcome refresh to my heart. A vacation week is on the horizon soon-ish, and I look forward to that break as well.

This week I share this description of a mindfulness practice that I just recommended to a colleague yesterday. I hope you enjoy this below reading on “Box Breathing.” I find this discipline supports my groundedness. Blessings on your week ahead!

How Box Breathing Can Help You Destress

August 17, 2021

This deep-breathing technique is simple but powerful.

If you’ve ever felt anxious or overwhelmed, some well-intentioned person has probably given you the advice, “Just breathe.” When you’re in the midst of a stressful moment, though, that can be much easier said than done.

Integrative medicine specialist Melissa Young, MD, explains how to do the box breathing technique, a simple but powerful method of focusing on your breath that can help you get — and stay — calm.

What is box breathing?

Box breathing is a form of yogic deep breathing employed by the United States Navy SEALs and by stressed-out people everywhere. It’s also known as sama vritti pranayama, born of the yogic practice of pranayama, or focusing on the breath.

Its common name, “box breathing,” refers to the fact that a box has four sides, a concept represented here by breathing while you slowly count to four for a total of four times — four counts of breathing in, four counts of holding your breath, four counts of exhaling and four more counts of holding after your exhale.

This technique goes by other names, too:

  • 4×4 breathing.
  • 4-4-4-4 breathing.
  • Equal breathing.
  • Four-square breathing.
  • Square breathing.

The benefits of box breathing

“I love breathwork because it’s easy, it can be done anywhere and it has a potent effect on your physiology,” Dr. Young says. “It’s really very powerful.”

She explains what box breathing, like other forms of breathwork, does for your body.

Lowers stress

The biggest benefit of box breathing is relaxation, especially in times of stress. Studies show that regulating your breath can lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol and maybe even help lower blood pressure.

Activates the parasympathetic nervous system

In times of stress, your sympathetic nervous system is on high alert. Box breathing can help you move out of that state by tapping into the bodily system responsible for rest and digestion — the parasympathetic nervous system. The parasympathetic nervous system is the opposite of the sympathetic nervous system, otherwise known as “fight or flight.”

“When we’re anxious, we breathe shallowly and quickly, which actually creates more anxiety within your body,” Dr. Young explains. “We can use breathwork to move out of the fight-or-flight state and into that parasympathetic nervous system.”

Calms the mind

You don’t have to be stressed to benefit from this breath exercise. Practicing box breathing is an opportunity to bring mindfulness to your breath, which is a valuable practice even in tranquil times.

“It allows you to slow your breath, and it also has an aspect of meditation,” Dr. Young says. “As you’re breathing, you’re also silently counting, which is a kind of mantra meditation that, again, calms the nervous system and brings you into the present moment.”

How to do box breathing

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to master the box breathing method right away. “You don’t want to go too slowly or too quickly,” Dr. Young says. “Stay at your comfort level, making sure you’re breathing very gently and not straining.”

  1. Breathe out slowly, releasing all the air from your lungs.
  2. Breathe in through your nose as you slowly count to four in your head. Be conscious of how the air fills your lungs and stomach.
  3. Hold your breath for a count of four.
  4. Exhale for another count of four.
  5. Hold your breath again for a count of four.
  6. Repeat for three to four rounds.

How simple is that? In fact, box breathing’s straightforwardness is what makes it so accessible — and so impactful.

“Box breathing’s simplicity is its greatest strength,” Dr. Young says. “When you start out with other forms of breathwork, you can almost get more anxious by overthinking it. But this is just very simple breathing and counting.”

She recommends practicing one or two times a day, regardless of how you’re feeling. Try it out first thing in the morning or after a stressful day of work.

Keep practicing

At first, you may have a hard time keeping your breath steady for all those counts of four. But as with anything, you can get better at it with a little bit of practice.

“Over time, this becomes easier, and you’ll be able to extend that count to four more easily and slow your breathing down for even more benefit,” Dr. Young says.

And working on your box breathing in times of calm can help you harness it in times of anxiety, even going so far as to lessen your body’s overall response to stress.

“The nervous system is not fixed; it’s plastic,” Dr. Young says. “We can change it by learning how to be less responsive to stress and how to calm that response.”

To hear more on this topic, listen to the Health Essentials podcast episode “Breathwork for Beginners.” New episodes of the Health Essentials podcast publish every Wednesday.

We are all of the same cloth, though of a different cut. -Nar-Anon Blue Booklet

I spent last weekend road tripping to Los Angeles with my family, followed by time this week in Napa with colleagues. I feel blessed by these experiences of joy and community. Time together with those close to me fuels me for the summer months ahead.

This week I share a simple yet powerful prayer, along with the description of a personal prayer practice that I referenced in a leadership retreat this week. Blessings on your week ahead!

Prayer to the Holy Spirit

Holy Spirit, we believe in Your presence within and around us. Anoint us with Your gifts, draw us inwardly to Your presence. Heal the fragilities of our world and enable us to enter into the fullness of your divine presence, which is life, light, and love.

Prayerfully Reviewing Your Day

The Daily Examen

Part of the rich tradition of the Catholic Church is recognizing the need to reflect on the day’s activities—to remember God’s invitation and our response or lack of response. Saint Ignatius of Loyola developed a simple method by which you can review each day in a way that will help you grow in self-understanding and free you to follow God’s will. This practice is often called the Daily Examen. Many people choose to practice this prayerful review of their day before going to bed at night by following the five steps below.

Stillness: Recalling God’s Presence

Relax in God’s presence in your favorite prayer place and posture. Be aware of how God shows his love for you in all his gifts to you. Be thankful as you think of God the Father’s love, the love of his Son Jesus, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Ask the Holy Spirit to come into your heart and to help you to look honestly at your actions this day and how you have responded in different situations. With the Spirit’s inspiration you can recognize what draws you close to God as well as what pulls you away from God.

Gratitude: Expressing Thankfulness

Review your day and give thanks to God for his gifts. Try not to choose what to be thankful for but rather to see what springs to mind as you reflect. Think of the concrete details of your day—the aroma of coffee brewing, a smile from a co-worker, or a beautiful rainbow. Recall the gifts that God has given you that you can share with others—your ability to help in a crisis, your sense of humor, or your patience with children. Pause and express your gratitude to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Reflection: Looking Back on Your Day

Again review the events of the day and notice how you acted in the many situations in which you found yourself. Recall your feelings and motives to see whether you considered all of the possibilities and freely followed God’s will. Ask yourself when you were conscious of God’s presence. Think about opportunities you had to grow in faith, hope, and charity. When we think about why we did or did not take advantage of these opportunities, we can become aware of how we might change our actions in the future. Be grateful for the occasions when you freely chose a course to help others. Perhaps you let a shopper with a small order go ahead of you in line or did not join in a conversation critical of a co-worker. These are examples of responding freely as God wants us to. When we reflect on the times we did or didn’t act with God’s grace, we can be more sensitive to developing habits of positive responses.

Sorrow: Asking for Forgiveness

After you have asked for the Holy Spirit’s guidance in recalling and reflecting on the actions of your day, spend time talking with God or Jesus. Express sorrow for the times you failed to follow his direction and ask him to be with you the next time you encounter a similar situation. Give thanks to God for the grace that enabled you to follow his will freely. Feel the sorrow and gratitude in your heart as you converse with God.

Hopefulness: Resolving to Grow

Ask God to help you as you look forward to a new day tomorrow. Resolve to cooperate and trust in the loving guidance of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Conclude the day’s prayerful review with the Lord’s Prayer.

By prayerfully reviewing your day, you will experience the difference it can make in the way you live. If you make a habit of practicing the Daily Examen, you will grow closer to God in your thoughts and deeds and will be free to choose to follow him.

Happiness is when you feel good about yourself. Joy is when you transcend yourself. – David Brooks.  

I have spent time this week working on a retreat I am leading next week with our school leaders. I feel blessed by the space they afford me to reflect back my own experiences and understandings. Below I share a resource that informed my perspective on a core competency of leadership – humility- that I highlight throughout the retreat.

Blessings on your week ahead!

From the Harvard Business Review:

The Best Leaders Embrace the Role of Supporting Character

by Jamil Zaki

May 5, 2026

Supporting-Character Energy

Leaders interested in adopting supporting-character energy can take [this] important step:

Get aggressively curious.

Supporting characters can’t tell their stories alone. If you want to become one, you must instead understand what life looks and feels like for the protagonist you want to help. This means getting intensely curious about others, and learning to be aware of what you don’t know.

Humility is a natural antidote for naïve realism. Research finds that when leaders are intellectually humble, their teams perform more effectively, in part because humility is contagious: It encourages people to learn from one another and catalyzes ideation and performance.

For all its virtues, humility remains undervalued, but it is not hard to access. Try to explain how a bicycle (or a laptop, or democracy) works and you’ll realize how little you know. This is true for social life as well. Writing last year for HBR, Jeff Wetzler suggested a “curiosity check” before important conversations: Ask yourself, for instance, what you don’t know about the person you’re going to talk with or how your actions might be impacting them in unintended ways.

Curiosity checks prime the pump on humility and inspire leaders to ask better questions, counteracting their tendency towards naïve realism. This can allow us to better understand other people’s stories, and our role in them.

“Our greatest joy is when we seek to do good for others.” Archbishop Desmond Tutu

I’ve been reading through Pope Leo’s encyclical, Magnifica Humanitas, and enjoy this descpription below about the role of social justice. For those who strive toward lives of service to one another, I take it as a call to action for each and every one of us. Blessings on your week ahead!

The Principle of Social Justice

77. For the Christian community, social justice is a concrete way of following Jesus and remaining faithful to the Gospel. In the New Testament, Jesus proclaims the “good news to the poor” ( Lk 4:18) and identifies himself with the lowly, the sick, the imprisoned and strangers (cf. Mt 25:31-46). He thus teaches us that justice is born from, and fulfilled in, fraternity, because the way we approach and relate to the least among us becomes, in concrete terms, the measure of our relationship with God and with our brothers and sisters. Justice, however, concerns not only the behavior of individuals, but also the way in which the structures of society are conceived and organized. In this regard, the Second Vatican Council reminds us that every institution is called to serve the human person and his or her dignity. [105] Social justice is, therefore, characterized by the capacity of a social, economic and political order to allow everyone — particularly the weakest — to live a truly dignified life, without leaving anyone behind.

Hope is great. And hope suported by faith creates an unbeatable duo. -Meditations for People Who May Worry Too Much

Today I share a few pearls of wisdom from my daily reflection resource, Give Us This Day. I am grateful for this practice to sit, think, and pray each day. Blessings on your week ahead!

PSALM 25: Teach me your ways, O Lord.

Your ways, O LORD, make known to me; teach me your paths, Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my savior.

Good and upright is the LORD; God guides the humble to justice, God teaches the humble God’s way.

All the paths of the LORD are kindness and constancy toward those who keep God’s covenant.

Loving with All

Couples married for any length of time know that love requires compromise, understanding, and sacrifice—loving with all your heart cannot be conditional or halfhearted but must be total and complete. We stress over our finances, our careers, our security—but loving with all your soul sees beyond the metrics of our lives to realize the light of God’s grace illuminating our lives no matter what darkness we face.

We need to build bridges with empathy and respect if we’re going to bridge the chasms that divide us—loving with all your mind is to begin to see others as God sees us: as God’s beloved daughters and sons. Being a mom or dad is easier some days more than others—those “other” days demand loving with all your strength, especially when your strength has been sorely tested, challenging you to dig deep in order to forgive, to lift up, to mend.

We cannot love God with half a heart, with just a part of our consciousness, with a smidge of spirit, with whatever energy is left over at the end of the day; to truly love our neighbor as ourselves demands that we offer all that we have and all that we are for their good. We cannot “love with all” if we set limits on our compassion or try to section off the faith parts of our life from the working parts. “Loving with all” means connecting every aspect of our lives—from the products we buy to the way we vote, from our care for our children to our treatment of those responsible to us—with the justice and mercy of God’s Kingdom in our midst.

—Deacon Jay Cormier